Umbra
by Hermiann
Summary: Description: 20 years after leaving Bella alone in Forks the Cullens learn of an underground plot to overthrow the Volturi. Will they join the plot? Will Edward ever rejoin the family? And what did happen in Forks after they left all those years ago….
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. These books, characters, and associated materials are the property of Stephenie Meyer, and they are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

 **Description: 20 years after leaving Bella alone in Forks the Cullens learn of an underground plot to overthrow the Volturi. Will they join the plot? Will Edward ever rejoin the family? And what did happen in Forks after they left all those years ago….**

 **All reviews are welcome!**

Chapter 1

 _Alice's POV_

It's been twenty years since I've said goodbye to my best friend, and I still think about her every day.

I thought about her ability to make my brother truly happy-complete even. We had long ago accepted that Edward would never be as happy as the rest of us, he would simply be happy enough. Esme often feared that he was changed too young. I had always wondered if he wasn't too arrogant. Not that I didn't love my brother, but his ability to read other's thoughts placed their weaknesses and negatives on open display to his mind before he was able to even have a chance to fall in love. His own weaknesses and negatives were always carefully hidden behind his reserved, cautious demeanor. It simply wasn't fair. Then Bella came along, and we all dared to hope. 

It thought about the times we spent together as friends-no, as sisters. I was ecstatic every time she let me dress her up. Her dislike of shopping always amused Edward and baffled me, but I always knew that one day, she would love it almost as much as I did! Not that I had seen it in a vision, which was disappointing, but how could she not grow to love shopping with me. There is no better satisfaction in life! Well, as long as you exclude the time I spend alone with Jasper anyway.

I thought about her clumsiness, a topic that used to bring Emmet to tears of merriment whenever he thought about it. Thinking of her lack of coordination-no it was more than that. Thinking about her magnetism for danger and accidental dismemberment, made me think of her selflessness and how she would often apologize for accidently falling or bleeding. If she even thought that she had slightly inconvenienced anyone at all, her brow would furrow and Jasper would begin to feel waves of guilt coming off of her. She had spent so long taking care of her mother that she had no idea how to let herself be taken care of, not even for a birthday. She had a kind heart, a fragile heart. I often wondered if we broke it when we left. 

Mostly, I thought about how much I missed her. And I always, always wanted to know-where was Bella now? Was she safe? Was she happy? Could she ever forgive me? Did she forget about us?

"You're sad." Jasper's voice was soft, his eyes questioning. His words weren't a question though. My emotional reflections must have disturbed his reading. 

"Are you thinking of Bella again?" He finished crossing the room and sat next to me on the chaise lounge, a piece of furniture normally only used for displaying different outfits I was piecing together. 

"It's silly, Jazz. Stupid, really." I replied in a quiet voice. I held up the small blue scarf I had found wrapped around one of my summer dresses. "Bella always looked so good in this color. Sometimes the smallest things get me thinking about her again."

I gave him a weak smile to show him that it was ok. "I told you it was stupid." 

"It's not stupid, Alice." He replied in his slow southern drawl. Jasper's accent had all but disappeared in recent years. He practiced speaking like the rest of the family to avoid drawing attention and unwanted questions but I missed his Texan drawl. Hearing him revert back every once in a while never failed to make me happy.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my forehead before continuing, "I think about her often too. I know that I never got a chance to know her like you did but she was good for our family, good for you. I know you don't want me too but I still wonder how much would be different today if I could have just controlled my hunger more."

"You know that this isn't your fault Jasper." I said as I softly caressed his arms. "She had already forgiven you before the night was even over. Even you knew her well enough to know that she would never blame you and neither do I."

"I know that darlin', but sometimes I can't help but wonder all the same." Sometimes I wondered if he didn't reserve that accent for cheering me up when I was sad. 

"If you're looking for anyone to blame, then blame-" My body suddenly went rigid. Colors, flashes of movement, and voices began appearing before my brain could interpret them. Before even a millionth of a second passed, my brain caught up to the visions that had intruded upon my thoughts and I saw what would soon come to pass.

The Denali clan was deliberating how to handle what appeared to be a very tense situation. Irina stood with her arms crossed over her body, obviously disliking the direction the conversation was taking while her sisters sat on the couch watching Eleazar speak. 

"Of course this won't be easy, but this may be the solution we've been waiting centuries for!" He exclaimed. 

"You mean the solution that you've been waiting for! We've already lost too much in this family. Our mother, our baby brother, Laurent," her voice faltered for a moment, "and we haven't heard or seen from the Cullens in god knows how long, what do you think they will say? What will Carlisle say when he hears that you have even considered this! How much more do you want us to lose? You cannot possibly think that we would even stand a chance-"

"We wouldn't stand alone. They already have an entire coven, a golden coven! And think of how many others would join us once we started, it's not as though the Volturi haven't made their share of enemies over the years! The world would be a better place; we could help make the world a better place, by simply removing them from existence. You don't know what they do, what they are capable of!"

Tanya interrupted his vehement explanations from her seat on the couch. "We damn well know what they are capable of." Her voice was quiet and full of venom. Irina and Eleazar froze to listen to Tanya, their coven leader, speak. 

"I remember that moment clearer than any other. It drove me mad with grief. I've never fully recovered. I begged for Sasha's life. We all did. We knew that Sasha would never make the same mistake again. We vowed responsibility for her future actions. I scratched and clawed my my face and arms until I thought I would shatter as I watched them tear her limb from limb and burn her remains. She was my mother. She was all I had for so long and they destroyed that without a second thought." Her voice grew softer and softer as she spoke, but her coven had no trouble hearing her every word. Her body crumpled against itself as she slumped on the couch. She stayed that way for several minutes. Carmen and Kate tried to soothe her, but she was unresponsive.

Tanya suddenly sat up straight as a board; her eyes had a steely look behind them. Her next words were spoken loudly and with conviction, "I have heard enough Irina, Eleazar. Each of us has argued ourselves hoarse for three days straight, constantly changing our own minds. I will vote to meet this Vixen and her golden coven. The meeting alone cannot prove harmful. We will make up our minds after we see them for ourselves and discuss their intentions." 

"This is folly! I remember our mother too; it is for her that I would have thought you to disagree to this. I am surprised at you, Tanya!" Irina was furious. Her voice was almost breaking from wanting to sob the angry tears that would never come. "They will kill us all for even considering talking to this coven and for what? Our mother made a mistake. We have no other quarrel with them! Please don't do this, sister." 

Irina looked around the room, seeing if her words would have any affect. Carmen would follow Eleazar's decision, as anyone could easily see and Eleazar would never let an opportunity like this pass him by. Tanya's eyes and demeanor were still rigid and steeled. She looked as though she were preparing to march against the Volturi that very night. Kate looked somber and uneasy.

Her soft voice was heavy with sorry, "I'm sorry, Irina, but if they are as bad as Eleazar says, then I couldn't possibly forgive myself for not trying to protect others by eliminating them. Even if we fail, at least we tried."

Irina turned and walked out of the room, visibly shaking from anger and grief.

"What about the Cullens? Surely we owe it to our family to inform them about what is going on?" Carmen broke the silence reluctantly after Irina left.

"We will meet with Vixen first before we call Carlisle." Eleazar said slowly, holding his chin in his hand while he began to slowly pace back and forth. "We should at least get a good sense of what this clan is like before we call him up. Besides, we wouldn't want to start on bad terms with Vixen's coven. It was clear that this invitation was for our ears only at the moment." He pulled a small envelope from his pocket and read it to his family.

"To the Compassionate Deserter,

We would welcome you, friend, in open arms, if you would only give us the opportunity to meet. We are your golden eyed brothers and sisters. A new age is upon us. The Red-Eyed Night will soon be over. It is time to usher in the Golden Dawn.

If you and your associated coven should be interested in our radical ideologies and consent to meet, place the horns of your next kill on the doorstep of your estate before the week is out and we will gratefully send you more information. If you do not, please feel free to continue on with your lives in peace.

If, however, you feel the need to repeat these words to any other outside of your family, you shall feel our reluctant but absolute wrath. You will understand of course, that these are needed precautions.

Best Wishes,

Vixen"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. These books, characters, and associated materials are the property of Stephenie Meyer, and they are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

 **All reviews are welcome!**

Chapter 2

 _Esme's POV_

Carlisle's face and manner was nothing short of debonair. He had a classic look, like an old time movie star. Sometimes I found myself wondering how a boring, mid-western housewife like me wound up with a man like him. Even now, with his face creased in worry and concentration, he was nothing short of rakish. We all watched him now, waiting for his response, as he leaned against the fire place, one hand slowly rubbing back and forth across his forehead. 

One thing was for certain- Carlisle was a calm, patient, and rational man. Any other individual would not have been able to exude such a collected confidence after hearing that their beloved cousins would soon become associated with a deadly political overthrow. As Alice had been telling the whole family, well everyone except Edward that is, about her vision, my stomach clenched in fear. I felt my throat tighten and my limbs tingle numbly, I was terrified for my children. If the Volturi found out about this secret meeting, what would happen to the Denali clan? What if we were implicated too, simply on account of our friendship with the Denali clan?

But I mustn't think like that. Tanya's coven had probably only just received their invitation, or maybe they still had a few weeks left to receive it, you couldn't always be certain of timing with Alice's visions. In any case, they had not yet made a decision to even meet with this "Golden Coven" and their leader, Vixen. We still had a chance to change their future.

"It's been a long time since we had a good fight, Carlisle." Emmet stated with a chuckle.

He was clearly trying to lighten everyone's mood. I couldn't blame him as I looked around. Alice was still standing in the middle of the room, her head hanging down. She hadn't moved an inch after she had finished speaking. I sincerely hoped that she didn't feel guilty. Her visions were never her fault, if anything her messages helped guide us to have better lives, no matter how much they may worry us from time to time. Rosalie was stone still, watching Carlisle like a hawk. She didn't even appear to be breathing, not that she needed to, but even for us, it was usually a normal function. Jasper sat alone in the loveseat, his eyes had a glazed look as he stared at the wall. His face was set and I could only imagine that he was thinking of strategies protect our family, most especially Alice.

Carlisle finally broke the silence. "Eleazar has always been opposed to the Volturi but I never knew that he would act against them. When he left Aro's guard, he left on good terms."

Jasper nodded his head as if he had been thinking the same thing. Carlisle continued speaking.

"Many vampire covens have tried to eliminate the Volturi and all of them have been killed to the last man. I can't imagine that this new coven would be any different. It would take another political group hundreds of years to gain the numbers and infrastructure needed. Not to mention dealing with all of the specialized gifts that Aro has collected over the years."

"That's what I can't figure out." Jasper spoke up from the sofa, breaking his gaze away from the wall and leaning forward toward Carlisle, his hands folded together in front of his legs. "Why would Eleazar of all people, agree to meet with a coven that plans to move against the Volturi? He knows what an impossible task it would be to cause the collapse of their empire. Why would he agree to put Carmen and the rest of his family in danger like this?" 

Alice was the first to answer. "Because he believes it is the right thing to do." She finally looked up, her gaze wandered slowly around the room, pausing briefly on each of our faces. 

"I can't believe I even have to explain this!" Alice exclaimed her mouth hanging slightly open in surprise. 

"We try to everyday to do the right thing and even though it is the harder choice, we overcome our urges to protect the innocent! Hasn't it ever bothered any of you that we work so hard to make what we believe to be the correct moral choice but we are governed by a force of evil that treats human beings as chattel? It is easy for our happy family to ignore and forget that they still exist but the simple fact is: if any of us were the step out of line, the Volturi wouldn't hesitate to tare one of our family members limb from limb and burn them without any semblance of a fair trial." Alice looked angry and hurt. She was breathing heavily by the end of her speech, possibly looking ready to break down or sob.

It made me wonder how often she had worried about the Volturi coming for one of us. Had she seen visions in the past? Why was she so concerned about the Volturi killing one of our family members? Carlisle and Aro used to be good friends, so it seemed a stretch to imagine that Aro would harm any member of our family, no matter the fact that his beliefs were so different from ours. I couldn't pretend that these differences in belief didn't bother me though. Like Alice, I had often wondered if something shouldn't be done about others of our kind who prey upon innocents. Not that I ever considered revolting against the Volturi. My ideas usually revolved around vegetarian propaganda. Even making more of an effort to meet other carnivorous vampires could eventually lead to our lifestyle rubbing off on others.

But rising against the Volturi? Had their rule been truly this oppressive and corrupt? It was true that Carlisle had worked hard to give me the best second life imaginable ever since I was changed. Did his efforts include keeping the Volturi at bay? 

"Carlisle, I understand why Tanya has a certain, uh, distaste for Aro, but why is Eleazar so against them?" Rosalie's eyes were still trained on Carlisle. She must have been thinking along the same lines that I was. Her face looked pensive. "I just don't understand how they could have made so many enemies. Eleazar has had other friends in his past that fed on humans that he speaks fondly of. It must be more than their choice in diet that has turned him against them."

Carlisle sighed, finally turning away from the fireplace to lean his back against the bricks and face his family. "Aro and I may be on good terms, our relationship is what some may consider a loose friendship but it was never an easy friendship. Aro is a complicated and difficult man. He is guided by his fears and insecurities. He collects these "pets" as people call them, his guard of special abilities, in questionable ways. He often changes dozens of promising people at a time to see if they will develop any powers. He then kills those who are useless to him, citing that it would draw too much attention to have so many newborns in one area. If he meets a vampire who has special abilities that he desires, he often uses any means necessary to acquire that person's loyalty. Some of these methods are…unsavory at best."

"He doesn't sound complicated at all, he sounds like a dick." Emmet growled from his seat next to Rosalie. Rosalie nodded in approval and I had to agree with them both. I couldn't imagine Aro trying to coerce one of my children into joining his guard. What if he decided that he wanted Alice, Jasper, or Edward? What lengths would Aro go to in order to take them away from our family? 

"The Volturi are not known for their niceties, Emmet, you are correct. But I have never acted against them because I often assumed that they saved many more lives than they killed." Carlisle stated.

"How so?" Rosalie sounded doubtful. 

"Because they prevented many vampire wars from being started that would have resulted in thousands of human casualties. They didn't prevent all vampire wars of course." He nodded toward Jasper, "But they prevented most of them. They have also set laws in place to prevent the immortal children. As sad as it is that Sasha was killed with no second chance, the immortal children could not be allowed to live. It would have been better of course, had the Volturi allowed Sasha to return to the Denali clan for a second chance at life but I am sure in their eyes they thought they acted best by discouraging others from harboring immortal children as Sasha did." Carlisle paused for a moment, he looked troubled and sorrowful. I wanted to walk over and comfort him, but I knew I needed to wait until later. My children needed his guidance for now. It was a few moments before he spoke again. "I have always liked the idea of having a form of government for our kind to prevent any individual or clan from getting out of control, but I cannot say that I am overly fond of the Volturi or their methods. I am however fond of Aro, but I cannot deny that his soul has been corrupted and twisted by his darkest fears. I must admit the man I've always cared for isn't Aro as he is, but the man he could have been."

"What are you saying, Carlisle?" Jasper looked up at Carlisle, his hands gripping the seat cushion, his eyes filled with curiosity, fear, and excitement. 

Even though I was terrified of what the future might bring, terrified of how this new development might affect my family, Carlisle's demeanor, even in troubling situations like these, was always so secure, so calm, that he almost made me feel calm simply by being near him. It was times like these that I wondered if he didn't have some sort of calming ability akin to Jaspers. The truth was that I trusted him fully. I knew that no matter what, he would always find the simplest, most rational and moral solution to any problem that would ever arise. So I remained silent and waited for Carlisle's response.

"This will take some careful consideration of course, but maybe Kate is right. Maybe we can't just sit idly by any longer while the Volturi continue to manipulate innocent humans and vampires for their own selfish needs. Perhaps the time has finally come for us to stand up for what we believe in and protect others." He turned to face Jasper, "What I am saying, Jasper, is that I think we should find a way to solicit our own invitation to meet with Vixen and her golden clan."

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. These books, characters, and associated materials are the property of Stephenie Meyer, and they are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

 **All reviews are welcome!**

Chapter 3

 _Rosalie's POV_

 _In this moment, I should feel fear. In this moment_ , I thought to myself as I stuffed another pair of socks into the open suitcase, _I should feel uncertain_. But I felt none of those things. As I walked across the room from where I had the suitcases open on the oak, four-poster bed to the walk-in closet to find some of Emmett's shirts—mostly purchased by Alice—I realized what it was that I felt instead: Resolve, Anger, and Confidence.

 _Confidence?_ I couldn't remember ever having felt true confidence before. I could remember feeling smug, prideful, vain, and even powerful, but never confident. _Why would I feel confident now when there is so much that is uncertain about our futures, so many paths that Alice can't see the end of?_

"It suits you well"

I looked up from the pile of pants I was sorting through to see the visitor, though I already knew who it was. Only one vampire could strut down the hall and speak with such calm—well—confidence.

"Jasper" I greeted him simply. My brother was a lot like me when it came to social graces, the less small talk the better. _So why would he be stopping by to shoot the breeze now, at a time like this?_ I nodded to the open suitcases on the bed. "I take it you are all packed"

"I am. Not that you are surprised by that." He smirked a little before continuing, "I think you _will_ find it surprising that Alice has also already packed."

"Well, that's just not possible!" I dropped the pile of pants with an undignified snort. _How was Alice able to pack faster than I?_

"Oh" I looked up at Jasper whose smirk was now a giant shit-eating grin. "Right, I guess I feel like the world's most gullible person now. Is she even a quarter of the way done?" I heard the sound of a zipper being opened upstairs and clothes being dumped out of a suitcase with an exasperated, "Really, Jasper?" as I finished my question.

"If that didn't answer your question well enough, no, she isn't. And now it sounds like I'm not packed anymore either." His expression was a mixture of amused and irritated as he looked up towards the ceiling, no doubt trying to picture his wife as she flitted around their upstairs bedroom repacking his suitcase in addition to her own. "When I left she was muttering to herself about rebellion, victory, and color schemes."

I unceremoniously kicked the pants I didn't need back into the closet, _out of the two of us, Emmet was definitely the more organized._ "Well as long as she doesn't show up looking like Marie Antoinette…"

"I'm hoping for more of a Lady Liberty theme."

"Topless, you mean?" I quirked an eyebrow at my brother, I could feel the corner of my mouth twitch.

"Exactly."

"Just don't give Emmett any ideas." I pictured Emmett trying to convince the whole family into going into battle topless and tried to hide my smile. A fruitless effort of course, seeing as how jasper didn't need to see my smile to know it was there.

"As I said before, it suits you, and it was a long time coming."

"And what exactly are you referring to?" I asked while I finished cramming a sweater on top of my pants. I may not need clothes to feel warm, but we had no idea where we might end up, and blending in was definitely a priority when we didn't want anyone, human or vampire, to take any special notice of us right now. I began to zip up the bag as I waited for his reply.

"Confidence. I haven't really felt it on you, at least not that strong, in…well…ever, I guess." He walked across the room to the window, taking one last long look out over the garden Esme had tended to with great care for the past three years. "I have no idea why a vampire with your commanding presence could ever doubt herself, especially as beautiful as you are. Vampires and humans practically worship the ground you walk on and quake in fear if you look at them with slanted eyes. Did you not know?"

"I knew." I replied quietly but firmly as I watched him watching the backyard, the sun shining through his golden curls, iridescent light spilling across his exposed neck into the bedroom.

"Then why are you self-conscious?"

I turned to Emmett's suitcase, as Jasper turned away from the window to face me. I finished packing in the last of his socks and began to zip the bag. I did not want to acknowledge Jaspers question, it brought too many painful feelings, thoughts, and memories to mind. It brought forth things I tried hard to bury deep within myself. Finally I stated the only answer that came to mind, an answer that seemed to burst forth from within where I had unknowingly buried it long ago.

"It didn't seem to make much of a difference before, so why would it make a difference now." I finished zipping Emmett's suitcase and faced Jasper once again. He looked as confused as I felt, _where had that answer come from, had I really been thinking that all along, somewhere deep inside?_

"Do you mean…Do you mean that in your human life, bad things happened to you despite the fact that you were beautiful and powerful?"

"Beautiful, powerful, and confident." _I had it all once._ _It was taken away from me. From ME._ I was—I thought I was—untouchable. _I was near perfect, not vain, but I knew my worth. I was kind, I had volunteered regularly. My family was on the higher side of society and I had made the greatest of friends with my social skills. How could anyone not like me? How could anyone make a move to hurt me? I wasn't bitter as I am now, I wasn't….I didn't deserve…I thought I was untouchable._

 _And now, now I was here. An immortal monster. A fairytale, a joke! Doomed to replay what happened in my dying moments every day, how could I forget? How could I not think on it? That they would dare, that someone could dare—to do that to me. How could they? How could he? I thought I was special, important, worth protecting…_ Everyday my thoughts return to my death and every day my wounds tear open again, my self-worth destroying itself in an endless downward spiral _, but once…once I was nearly perfect…once I had it all._

Jasper hugged me. My thoughts came to a complete screeching halt. _Jasper was…hugging me?_ Despite my fondness for my brother and what I believed to be his fondness for me, we had never initiated any physical contact. Neither of us was really very touchy-feely, ironically for him, the empath. He released me slowly and held me at a distance, hands still on my shoulders, while he searched my face. I'm sure he found nothing but confusion there.

"I had a sister once, you know." I didn't know. Jasper never talked about his human life before the wars, I'd never even heard him discuss it with Alice, though maybe he had done so when they were in more private settings. I looked up into his eyes and found an incredible amount of pain entrenched there.

"She was like you. I don't remember much else, maybe few glimpses of my ma and paw, but I can remember her. She was strong, fierce, beautiful, and intelligent. It made life very difficult for her, as a woman in the south during those times. I loved her with every ounce of my being. My ferocious, frightening little sister." Jasper smiled warmly, his eyes glazed over and I knew he was picturing her. I could almost picture her too, a smaller female Jasper, trying to be at war with the world. Was she blonde like Jasper, green eyed and slim?

"She ran away and lied about her age to join with a nurse's regiment not long after I left the farm. I didn't find out until I received notice of her death. Union soldiers…they…" Jasper looked away from my eyes, finally dropping his hands from my shoulders, his eyes watching the last rays of sunlight from the setting sun through the window again. "I don't need to tell you the rest, it's a story you know well."

"I'm sorry Jasper." I reached for his hand and held it in both of mine. In that moment I felt comfort, I felt sorrow, I felt love, and I cherished my brother. Soon these feelings strengthened and I knew Jasper was using his gift to show me his own feelings as well. I returned thankfulness.

"Thank you for telling me about your sister. What was her name?"

"Rose." He smiled slightly, sadly before saying, "Her name was Rose. The coincidence of the situation has me pondering theories of reincarnation." He paused for a long time, as we listened to Alice shuffling away upstairs and Esme scurrying around the house, probably preparing dust covers for the furniture. I still held his hand in both of mine and watched him carefully as he watched the dust slowly fall—highlighted by the rays of sunlight streaming in through the window. "It's difficult to speak of her for many reasons, not the least of which is the way she died. I also have a deep seated paranoia and fear, a product I'm sure of both my occupation when I was changed and the lifestyle I lived after my change. But—" He looked pointedly at me. " I think it is time for both you and I to change. Not an easy task for our kind, but something we must attempt…for them." He glanced upward and to the east side of the house, where Esme could be heard dragging something across the living room floor.

Jasper lifted my hands, still clasped around his own, and placed his free hand on top as he turned his body fully towards mine. He whispered the next bit of conversation, so that only I could hear. "My best fighters, in all the years of war I've seen—human and vampire—have always been confident in their own ability." He looked pointedly at me and I felt a little hurt at the slight, "And they have always been confident in their surrounding team." I knew he was referring to himself with that statement. "If anything does happen—" his voice became even lower "I want both of us to as prepared as we can be. Everyone else needs practice fighting and they need to be prepared to do whatever it takes, but us? You and I are already prepared to do whatever it takes to save those we care about, we have the will to survive in spades, but what we don't have is trust. You don't trust yourself and I've never been good at trusting others. In the end, that could make all the difference."

Jasper gave a slight nod of his head, a soft squeeze to my hands and then turned and left the room. He sent me some final feelings of affection, confidence, and appreciation before he left as a token of goodwill. He believed in me. I believed in him. I hope he felt it. And I was thankful that he left me alone to process my thoughts for a while. Was he right? Jasper and I certainly were different from the rest of the family, was that what separated us from the rest-our issues? I didn't like to think of myself as broken. I was independent, free, and strong, wasn't I?

Then again, what could it hurt, trying to fix myself; If I'm broken, then I end up fixed in the end, and if I'm not broken, no harm done. But how does one even go about fixing oneself? I tried to think of an obvious situation where I showed a lack of confidence. A situation that would have been handled better if I had believed in myself.

Seemingly unbidden, Bella Swan came to mind. Her pathetic, simpering smile, as she always tried to bend over backwards for anyone who even glanced her way, the marks she had left right under her bottom lip from nervously chewing on her own fucking face whenever situations became even slightly tense, and those overly large brown cow-eyes that made her look like she should be chewing cud and drooling out of the side of her mouth like a dumb beast of burden are the images that came to mind as I first thought of her name. Why would I think of her? It's not as if I had any control over that situation or that I could have handled it better, after all it wasn't as if I was jeal…

 ** _CRASH!_**

I stood up as I heard the deafening noise coming from the living room. It sounded as though Esme was trying to dismantle the whole house now. _Was she going to try to put it into the back of her Escalade piece by piece?_ I sighed and decided it was time to help my mother. I could ponder my insecurities, issues, and Bella Swan—apparently—while helping Esme put the finishing touches on everything.

While I packed and sorted through our documents: fake ID's, passports, alternative banking accounts… I thought more about Bella. _Did she ever get to live the human life I wanted after all?_ I could picture her finally finding happiness, meeting some guy who found that whole shy-naïve- personality-type sexy. I felt a burning, almost anger like, emotion rising within me as I thought about the possible life she might have lived after we left. _Was this jealousy that I was feeling? Is that why I had truly been so bitter all that time? It would make a certain sense, I suppose. She was human after all and I wanted that more than anything. I would give it all away to become human, to be able be a mother, a doting wife…near perfect again. Like I was before. Untouchable._

I hear the sounds of fast footfalls in the backyard shortly followed by Emmett slamming the backdoor too loudly. I could hear Carlisle swoop Esme away from whatever task she had been working on downstairs to kiss and cuddle her, while Emmett's footfalls pounded loudly up the stairs to the door of the study where I was sorting documents. The door burst open and there he stood goofy grin and all, happy to see me without any reservations, like some big overly enthusiastic furry mut. God I loved that man. He was over to me in an instant. His arms were around me and swinging me around the room, knocking the sorted documents into a big smattered mess upon the floor while he smothered me with kisses and sang "Ring the Rosie around, Pockets full of sound!"

"Emmett! I just finished sorting those!" I shouted angrily as he continued to chant his nonsense and dance me around the room.

Maybe I was a bitter, jealous bitch who hate Bella for reasons I couldn't quite come to terms with yet. But even a bitter bitch couldn't stay mad at Emmett for long. Soon I was laughing with him. I could barely hear Alice trying to correct him from two rooms away "its ring around the Rosie, Emmett, you oaf!" My husband's psychotic dance soon turned into the average waltz, and we spun gracefully around the room, the dying light illuminating his strong masculine features, his smile showing me love, while his intense eyes showed me desire, strength, and feral instinct. _In this moment I feel whole._ Through the window I heard the crickets and frogs begin warming up their nightly chorus, I saw the first firefly give a testing flicker in the twilight. _In this moment I feel love, appreciation, and wonder at the beauty of the world. In this moment I feel confident._ I would go anywhere for Emmett, do anything for my family, I would give it all away to protect them and keep them by my side.

 _But didn't I just have those same thoughts about being human again?_ Our dance came to a shuttering stop as I gasped and grasped my chest. Pain burned through me as I thought about my dying moments again. Was I beautiful, independent, and strong or was I that girl lying on the ground. Blood on her garments, her dress being pulled up, and fingers shoved roughly into…

Was I healing, could I ever heal, or would I simply be doomed to break again every day? Did I want to be human or did I want my family and Emmett. _Jasper was right, I do have unresolved personal conflict and if it was even possible, I needed to sort it out._ Could a vampire even truly change, were we capable? Emmett pulled me into his chest and ran his fingers softly through my hair and in that moment I felt that I didn't deserve a wonderful man like Emmett or a wonderful family. _Didn't deserve them like I didn't deserve what those men did to me._

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Emmett whispered into my hair.

"How do you always know the right thing to say to me?" I whispered back into his chest.

"Because I have foresight like Alice!" Emmett laughed and I smiled against his chest.

A cell phone began ringing downstairs and we heard Carlisle pull away from Esme to walk across the living room to retrieve it from the kitchen counter.

"Carlisle Cullen speaking." A short pause followed and then, "Edward?"

"Well, shit my foresight didn't see that coming."


End file.
